


in the eye of a hurricane

by smallredboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Trans Aaron Burr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-07 22:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11633538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: Alexander and Aaron make a good team when it comes to comforting each other. Being both orphans, it comes in handy in moments of distress.





	in the eye of a hurricane

**Author's Note:**

> i love hamburr more than anything so i wrote this for hcbingo, enjoy!!

Alexander wakes up with his heart in his throat as he feels sweat drip down from his forehead. He clings to the memory of his mom, long black hair and sunburnt skin. He doesn't like it as he digs his fingers into the sheets, his body shaking slightly. He tries to think of her laugh and her eyes and her hair instead of the smell of their illness and her hoarse voice.

He doesn't get up from his bed, but he wants to. He wants to swipe his tears away with a towel and hope he won't have a nightmare again. His heartbeat is slowing down when Aaron turns around from his side of the bed. "Alex?" his voice is soothing, and he doesn't touch his arm— Alexander appreciates it.

"Aaron," he replies, his voice lacking of emotion although he's so overwhelmed by what he feels. "Aaron, Aaron, Aaron."

Aaron doesn't touch him, but his breath tickles his bare shoulder as he reassures him in soft whispers, _you're alright, you'll be alright_. She isn't, though, and it's been decades, and he should be over it. "Aaron," he repeats, focusing on the way his name feels on his tongue rather than all the memories of his mom.

Her laugh is replaced by the drowning smell of death, replaced by her kissing his nose before she shuddered one last time. Her sad smile, her quieted down groans of pain.

"Aaron," he says once again, and the memories are so painful— they're just repeating over and over again.

"I'm here, I'm here," he says, and it's a bit reassuring. Like he's not there in a town lost somewhere in the Caribbean but _here_ , with him, his boyfriend. Like he's not twelve years old and tending to his mother on her deathbed. He remembers the stomach pain digging its claws into his belly as he tried to mourn, her face growing pale as life escaped her. He'll never forget it, no matter how much he wishes he could. "I'll always be here."

Alexander tries to move to Aaron's side, and he breathes through his nose a few times, catching on the smell of Aaron's perfurme and the way he wraps his arms around his waist. "Aaron," he can't feel but whimper. He feels helpless, a little kid unable to tend to himself again.

Aaron shushes him, a soft kiss to the skin beneath his ear. He's not shaking anymore, or at least he isn't registering the motion of his body shaking. "You're fine, you can do it."

Alexander's breathes sharply, closes his eyes, opens them, does it again and again until he sees the light blue walls of their apartment in the middle of NYC instead of the dark, dark walls of his mother's house. "Thank you," he manages to say. His heart doesn't feel like it's going to burst, like he's going to die anymore.

"I love you," Aaron replies, his ear bumping against his temple before he moves and kisses his cheek. Alexander breathes through his nose, the smell of Aaron, of their bed, of their house making him ground himself.

Alexander licks his lips. "Thank you for taking care of me, of it," he completes his past sentence. He loves the way Aaron helps him through these nightmares, where all he sees is his mother's death or the aftermath of the hurricane, bodies piling up in the sand.

"It's no problem, love," Burr nods. He kisses his cheek, pushes an arm further around his waist so it rests on his hip before turning back to sleeping position.

Alexander focuses on the way Aaron's breath is steady, calm, and the thoughts of his mom filter out as he falls asleep.

* * *

Aaron never tells him when or why he's upset. It's frustrating to deal with, but Alexander knows it's a defense mechanism to keep secrecy when not having it could be dangerous.

Right now, Aaron is bouncing his leg as he looks at his laptop, writing stuff down as he scrunches his face up in distaste. His rich brown skin gleams in the sunlight from the window and Alexander would think he looks heavenly if he didn't seem pissed.

He decides to get clues on his own, and he looks at Aaron's backpack. He sees what it gives it away almost immediately; there's a few cards for mother's day on top of it.

"Who the fuck gave you this?" is the first thing he says, and he feels anger bubble up inside of him. He knows it's ridiculous, but he feels so protective over his boyfriend it's not even funny. Aaron looks up from his desk with a clenched jaw.

"Why...?" he drops whatever he was going to say immediately. "Some dudes from a class," he explains.

"Was it a joke? Do they know you're trans?" he's almost seething already, because holy shit he knows Aaron is terribly dysphoric because of this.

Aaron grimaces. "They don't. They were saying I'm the mom friend." He doesn't mention it, but Alexander knows he _is_ feeling dysphoric. He may be on hormones and completely passing, but dysphoria is awful when things like this happens.

Alexander sighs as he puts his hands on Aaron's shoulders. "You're not a girl," he reassures him. Aaron lets himself grow less tense as his boyfriend massages him softly.

Aaron doesn't speak, and Alexander can see the concerns, the worries flowing under his skin. Then he lets himself say, quietly, "it feels like I'm the only person who doesn't know what it's like to have a mother."

Alexander feels sorry for his boyfriend sometimes— he doesn't even remember his parents. Meanwhile, he's stuck with memories of his neglectful father leaving and his mom dying. He doesn't know if he'd prefer his painful memories or being an orphan for all of his life. Neither sounds or is pleasant.

"Oh, baby," he whispers, and Aaron scrunches up his nose at the pet name. Alexander puts his hands around his chest, a soft kiss to his temple. "I haven't ever known what a real father is. We can complement each other."

Aaron's lips curve in the vaguest of smiles. "I guess."

Alexander grins and helps him turn around on his chair. He sees his dark eyes, the shine in them, full of love and sadness. He kisses his lips softly, moving his mouth against Aaron's. "I love you, angelito."

His boyfriend seems to glow under his touch when he calls him a masculine Spanish pet name. "I love you too," he tells him.

Alexander grins. He's glad they can both help each other.


End file.
